Character Profile Derek is the village’s Top Detective, but only because nobody else wanted the job. He loves using big detective words but usually uses them incorrectly. Scene One DEREK: (To the audience:) Stay back, civilians! Crime scene in progress. I, Detective Derek, have arrived. I smell... a mystery. Or is that hairspray? It’s a fine line in this town. I am investigating the heist of the century! The Princess’s crown has been purloined... or is it pork-loined? Either way, it’s missing. I’ve been tracking the suspect for miles. I followed a trail of clues from the bakery to the blacksmiths. It turned out to be a trail of powdered sugar, and I accidentally ate the evidence, but the intent was there! (He looks at the audience suspiciously.) DEREK: You lot look shifty. Especially you in the third row. Why are you wearing a coat? Are you hiding a crown? Or perhaps... a very tiny stolen pony? I’ll be watching you. (He tries to do a cool, smooth exit, but trips over his own feet) DEREK: Don't worry! That was a tactical roll! I meant to do that! Scene Two DEREK: Afternoon, suspects! DAME: Hang on a minute, suspects? Who are you? DEREK: Detective Derek is the name. Solving crimes is my game, and everyone is a suspect in the case of the missing princess and the stolen crown. Hold up! (FLYNN is standing right next to his wanted poster. DEREK approaches it with suspicion.) DEREK: This poster should be in the window, then the whole of Brinkburg can spot the thief a mile off. There is no corner of this town where he can hide. DAME: But Detective— DEREK: Not now! I’m busy profiling. I must keep my eyes peeled. This thief is dangerous. He could be anywhere. He could even be in this room. DAME: Are you done? This is taking quite some time. DEREK: Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to the palace to tell the King the crown is missing. DAME: He already knows. DEREK: He does? Drat! He’s always the first to know everything!