Character Profiles Curly and Straight are bumbling guards. Curly is self-appointed leader; Straight follows orders literally. Scene One GUARD: Stop! In the name of the Law! And the King! And... and... (Wheezing) ...and my poor aching hamstrings! Have you seen Flynn Glider? He’s just pinched the Princess’s crown. I had him cornered, and then he did that smoulder thing. I was so dazzled by his cheekbones that he managed to jump out of a window! If I find out any of you are hiding him under a hairdryer, you’ll be in the dungeon before you can say short back and sides! Now stand back while I perform a high-level tactical investigation. (Sniffs shampoo) Aha! This smells like strawberry. The thief loves fruit! It’s a clue! Scene Two CURLY: Right, Straight! We have to find that thief. The King said he’s dangerous and cunning and has a very expensive satchel. STRAIGHT: Is that him, Curly? The one with the funny hair? CURLY: Don’t be silly, Straight. That’s a poster. The real Flynn is much more pointy. STRAIGHT: My feet hurt. Can we have a break? I haven't had a royal doughnut in nearly twenty minutes. CURLY: No breaks. We are the royal guards! We don't eat, we don't sleep, and we definitely don’t ignore the call of a sausage roll. STRAIGHT: Does that mean we’re going to the bakery? CURLY: It’s called investigating the flour supply. Move it!